Engaged and Planning to Marry?

Summertime seems an appropriate time to reprint our parish guidelines and expectations for couples planning on being married at St. Anne. If you are planning a wedding for 2007-2008, please read this article and keep it close at hand. If you know someone in this situation, please pass this along to them.

It is the aim of the Pastoral Staff and others involved in marriage preparation at St. Anne Parish to do our best in preparing couples for their marriage and their wedding. They are related but different. The wedding is one day; the marriage is a lifetime. Both are important but preparation for marriage definitely is the priority item.

To begin the process, a couple should call the parish of either the bride or the groom. The bride or the groom's proper parish is that place where they are registered and where they worship regularly. All parishes are defined by particular boundaries. The parish where you live is your proper parish. Individuals who have moved away from St. Anne's and who no longer worship here should be registered in their proper parish. Grandchildren of parishioners should be registered in their own proper parish. Persons still living with their parents, who are registered members of the parish, should consider registering under their own name and contributing regularly to the support of the parish.

Parishioners who are engaged should call the parish and ask to speak with the pastor in order to set a date for the wedding. Couples are encouraged to call the parish before confirming a date with a hall, caterer, band, etc. The priest will not set a date with you over the phone. Setting a date requires a personal visit by the couple.

A minimum of six month’s notice is required. In reality, it is likely that the couple will find that a longer period is necessary to make all the arrangements that are often associated with a wedding. Also, ours is a large parish with several weddings each year. Couples are advised to call well in advance, especially if they have a particular date in mind. It is often good to come with one or two alternative dates in mind.

Once a date has been set, the priest will discuss with the couple the other elements of our marriage preparation program. These include completing an autobiographical sketch and a pre-marriage questionnaire, meetings with the priest or deacon to discuss the results of the questionnaire, and consultations with married couples in our parish who assist with marriage preparation. It's clear from this outline why at least six months are necessary to complete this process.

Special needs should be brought to the attention of the priest early on in your meeting with him. If a non-Catholic marrying a Catholic wishes to convert to our faith, then mention should be made of this. Couples already living together should be aware that this will be a priority item in your discussions with the priest. Pregnancy is a reason to have a baby, not to get married. Couples should not expect that a wedding date will be advanced because a pregnancy is involved. A great deal of discussion will be necessary before the priest can make a decision in each particular case. Indeed, in these circumstances it may be advisable to delay the marriage. If there is a prior marriage for one or both of the individuals involved, a much longer period of time may be required. Present this situation to the priest when you first speak with him.

Once all these important matters relating to a couple's marriage have been taken care of, the priest will discuss the details of the wedding with them, including the service itself and other important matters relative to having a wedding in our church.

Couples should be aware that Archdiocesan policy prohibits a priest or deacon from witnessing marriages in homes, parks, balloons, halls, underwater, etc. The proper place for a Catholic wedding is in a church. Couples are permitted to ask priests or deacons who are family members to witness their marriage in our church. Similarly, ministers of another faith are also welcome to assist at weddings when a non-Catholic is marrying a Catholic.  Please advise the parish priest of these circumstances early in your meeting with him.

If there are any questions about these guidelines, call the parish office at 586-264-0713.
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